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go to hello stranger
Drink up baby doll, are you in or are you out? Leave your things behind 'cause it's all going off without you. Excuse me, you're too busy you're writing your tragedy. These mishaps, your bubble-wrap when you've no idea what you're like. So, let go, jump in. Oh well, what you waiting for? It's all right 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.
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| a waste of breath, of space, of time |
[Thursday
November 10th, 2005] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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music |
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bright eyes |
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i just don't think i fit in
anywhere
give me a break
because frankly i'm just trying to survive each week
i'm sick of people myself
i hate myself and this feeling like i have no one to go to
and this feeling that no one cares
i think it must be karma
i just wish i could start over with everything.
and i wish i wasn't the one my sisters are supposed to look up to
maybe i was put here to show them how i am the person they should never be
spencer asked me if everything happens for a reason
and i don't know anymore
because if so, what happens now?
life is okay i guess
i should be happy
but i keep thinking about if people would even miss me
if i'm just a smudge on this planet that is better wiped out
i guess it hurts
and i'm sure everyone thinks its about tim
and to that i must say not really
i was yet again an idiot who believed a boy cared about me
only to find out he couldn't care less
i hope i can get better
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[Monday
November 7th, 2005] |
i dont know...i miss him as a friend, but i miss the fact that he told me he loved me
i miss believing he actually cared
to find out he could care less
what hurts the most i think is i told him how fucked up my past with guys has been. and what does he do?
fuck me over
like every other one
almost exactly the same way
but i thought he was genuine
just to find out he doesn't care what happens to me
it may be emo or whatever
but it hurts
but i might as well stop thinking about him. as he is so obviously not thinking about me
:/
in better news: i am determined to get myself out of the mess that is my life at the moment
...if mom cuts me a fucking break....bitch
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| Bye Bye Boyfriend |
[Thursday
November 3rd, 2005] |
why is it that whenever a boy likes me they end up saying i'm too good for them or some other excuse?
cowards
but yes i'm single again and although it fucking sucks i'll get over it
but did it HAVE to happen right when i'm in the hole so deep?
way to go buddy
hello hotadam!(you dont know him)
i'm in a bad mood don't bug me(fair warning)
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| THANK YOU MOTHER NATURE FOR BRINGING ME WILMA |
[Sunday
October 23rd, 2005] |
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no school tomorrow!
heckyes
wyatt has an iPod nano and mine is fucked up...again
I"M THE KID IN THE FAMILY THAT LISTENS TO MUSIC NONSTOP
NOT WYATT
whatever. i can't let that really bother me. i am so happy now
it feels good to be loved
see you tuesday!stay dry!
<3
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[Thursday
October 20th, 2005] |
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music |
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Jenny,Your'e Barely alive.Rilo Kiley |
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southpark is the smartest show on the planet
i dont even care about the most disgusting parts
...like crapping out your mouth
nonetheless, i have learned so much from that show
anyways...i am SOOOOO JEALOUS OF ALL OF YOU PEOPLE GOING TO THE FUSION CONCERT
bgdxchywegjfchhgweiuk
but hey! no school for me tomarrow
?peace?
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[Tuesday
October 18th, 2005] |
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GOD DAMNIT
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[Sunday
October 16th, 2005] |
i'm falling apart and i'm in shit deeper than ever before.
i can't stay in one spot for more than two seconds
i can't focus
i can't sleep
i'm in so far over my head and i have nothing left to turn to but this goddamn journal
maybe i'll try a hotline
i just dont want to deal with it anymore
i need some help.
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[Wednesday
October 12th, 2005] |
i hate PSATs
but i love you!
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[Monday
October 10th, 2005] |
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<3
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| I turned from P-I-E to P-I-G |
[Sunday
October 2nd, 2005] |
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mood |
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fat |
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music |
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My Eyes Burn.Matchbook Romance |
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i have to be asleep in 12 minutes
how hardcore am i? last night was the first night i have every stayed awake an entire night.
and tomorrow i have to go to school
i have to be one of the biggest dumbasses of all time
and lazy to boot
screw it
there is so much sand on my body from today. but i had fun amongst the stupid drama of my swim team.
i got to be with tim :) and even though there are so many things that i could hold against him...well...
whatever. i need to scribble something for homework and catch some very needed Zs
hope danielle,alessi, and lauren had fun at HAlloween Horror Nights!
<3
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| i cut the cosmos beneath my hand |
[Friday
September 30th, 2005] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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teary eyed |
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blah blah blah
i am suffering from not being with tim
not tim do
so dont say i was talking about tim do
i cannot TELL you how many people have asked if i was going out with tim do
even people who i thought didn't know tim do knew tim do
okay whatever
mark knows and he is annoying the hell out of me
along with everyone who keeps acting as if i'm just another girl he's going out with
so what if i am?
DONT TELL ME ABOUT IT
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[Thursday
September 29th, 2005] |
there are so many AMAZING movies coming out
ELIZABETHTOWN...holy crap looks amazing...reminds me of someone special<3
IN HER SHOES....well, it's a sister movie but...
HARRY POTTER 4...and eff you all who don't like it
OH EM GEE who want's to watch with me?!?!!
THE OC IS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| WHAT THE FUCK |
[Sunday
September 25th, 2005] |
Jack Gilenhal and Heath Ledger are making a gay cowboy movie
?????!!!!!?????!!
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| you can't swim in a town this shallow. you will most assuredly drown tomarrow. |
[Sunday
September 25th, 2005] |
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mood |
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not doing homework |
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music |
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Real World |
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last night i got this smack in the face and realized all the completely stupid shit i've done
i hate the past and i hate looking back. but i'm scared to look forward knowing that i'm going to do so many more things that i will probably regret.
but for the first time i feel extremely in touch with reason. i may act insane but hey, thats me.
but i am at this amazing high and so happy to be with this person that it scares me
because i know what could happen and i know i probably wouldn't stop it from happening
and i hate being so fucking paranoid about what others think
if gossip and opinions affected me then we wouldn't be together
and i'm glad i can trust him. but i'm scared shitless.
god i hate being dramatic sounding.
i hate school so much right now
and i hate every single teacher and every single classroom
i hate how i'm slower at swim than i was last year and how i feel like a failiure on so many levels
its always these up and down emotions
whatever
i'm pissed. deathcab is playing on MTV
WHAT THE HELL
and go see party monster. i love that movie(thanks danielle)
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[Thursday
September 22nd, 2005] |
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mood |
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:) |
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music |
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smallville |
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i'm so happy!
<3
ANNNND the O.C. is on tonight!
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| life is just a trick |
[Sunday
September 18th, 2005] |
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mood |
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 for the first time in a while |
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music |
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You dont know what they do to guys like us in prison.MCR |
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last night was so much fun. i saw a hilarious improv show(drew carey) at the van wiezal
then got in the car, threw on my dress and heels, and had a blast at cotillion
i love all the people i hung out with there
and i missed my swimmers!
well,maybe next time will be twice as fun.
thanks to everyone who made it special!
<3
p.s. i need creepy boy advice. STAT(whatever that means)
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| i'm sorry that you have a boyfriend that loves you |
[Friday
September 16th, 2005] |
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mood |
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fat |
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music |
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Vh1 countdown |
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its a crazy cycle
i'm too tired to do anything on the weekends and i'm working
and then i can't WAIT for the weekend to come before monday even really begins
what are YOU doing this weekend?
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| boys drive me insane |
[Tuesday
September 13th, 2005] |
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mood |
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full |
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music |
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surreal life |
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i've got the margaret virus
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| sorry i can't be perfect |
[Monday
September 12th, 2005] |
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mood |
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tired...what else is new? |
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music |
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thinking about this kid... |
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swimming still sucks
i'm up to my old bad habits
i'm starting some new ones as well
and i'm barely making it in homework
life is a speedtrain
and tim do sucks...like a vacumn...for not stopping at the scatbus stop to pick me up
we had to wait out in that sun for an HOUR
and all you other swimmers who just drove by...yeah thanks for picking up your teammates
they think they are so superior
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| okay. i caved, i cant live without this thing |
[Sunday
September 11th, 2005] |
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mood |
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eh |
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music |
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I love the 90s |
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can you blame me? where else would i vent?
my family is INSANE
last night my father. MY FATHER. was whooping over some football game
my mom was bitching over my driving
i don't know where spencer is
wyatt is being an annoying spaz
and i'm sure i'm doing something wrong
oh and it's september 11th
:(
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a_perfect_crime's journal